


bunnies have nothing on you

by infantblue



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack, Fluff, M/M, Post-Time Skip, a.k.a. the fic where sakusa crushes hard on hinata shouyou, and everyone is a terrible wingman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:54:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24752746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infantblue/pseuds/infantblue
Summary: Hinata is really cute and it’s freaking Sakusa out.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 168
Kudos: 2422
Collections: HAIKYUU|HQ





	bunnies have nothing on you

**Author's Note:**

> chapter 397 has me in my omihina feelings so of course i’m going to post a sakusa-centric fic instead of finishing my many atsuhina wips. written on my notes app during breaks because i am incapable of making literary progress any other way. i love you all

They've been on the same team for approximately three months, two weeks, and six days when Sakusa has the horrifying realization that Hinata Shouyou is _cute_.

Not just the superficial cute you pretend your friends' kids are—and yes, this is a pointed dig at Barnes and his demonic excuses for children, because to this day, Sakusa still has no idea how he's supposed to find stories about tiny humans making big messes remotely charming.

Hinata is _really_ cute. To an almost pathological degree.

Sakusa sees Atsumu rest his elbow on Hinata's head like he's an armrest and feels his heart stutter. He watches Hinata tie his volleyball shoes before practice and can't stop staring at how tiny his feet are.

Hinata's just such a small person. Sakusa is not used to small people. He's not used to people in general, but playing volleyball has narrowed his very distant social circles to socially stunted giants with a side of Komori, and never in his life has he ever encountered a human this short who can somehow beam like he's a god.

The worst part, however, is _living_ with him. It doesn't matter that Hinata is the only one in the house who actually cooks and cleans like Sakusa does. (Bokuto is banned from stepping anywhere near the kitchen when there's an operating flame, and Atsumu might as well be for how little he volunteers to help.)

Hinata is too distracting. His presence is gonna get Sakusa killed. The other day, after Hurricane Atsumu blew through and Sakusa went to wipe down the counters, Sakusa actually grabbed a bottle of window cleaner instead of multi-purpose spray, all because Hinata had been curled up in front of the coffee table, tiny feet tucked beneath him like a rabbit, and Sakusa couldn't stop staring at his spine.

He has never seen such impeccable posture before. Not ever. Certainly not on a human so small.

It's awful. It's terrible.

This is a crush, and Sakusa will not survive.

* * *

"I think Omi-kun is sick," Atsumu announces to the entire restaurant, because apparently years of sharing a face with someone else has damaged his ability to regulate his volume. Even the elderly couple in the corner looks startled.

Sakusa glares. "I will _end your life._ "

"Hey, I meant that in a nice way!" he protests. "You're so cruel. Is this what I get for being a good person who's just worried about his teammate?"

This is false. Atsumu only expresses concern for someone else when he's bored, if he thinks they'll bring down his game, or if their name is Hinata Shouyou.

Sakusa is not Hinata Shouyou.

"I'm not sick," he says, "and stop pawning off your vegetables on Bokuto's plate when he's not looking. You're disgusting."

Bokuto, who had been shovelling meat into his mouth like a squirrel, immediately snaps up his head, looking horrified and betrayed. "Tsum-Tsum! How could you?"

Atsumu grimaces but ignores him, trying to direct the flamethrower back at Sakusa instead. "If you're not sick, then why is your face so red?"

Sakusa is red because Hinata had been making sinful noises while eating his yakisoba and Sakusa would've started choking on his own food had the concept not been so revolting. But of course he can't admit that out loud, so instead he says, "I was repulsed because Bokuto has also been moving his vegetables back onto your plate when you aren't looking, and somehow neither of you has noticed all the germs you keep moving back and forth."

This time, Bokuto looks away to whistle dramatically at the wall when Atsumu whips around to gape at him. "Bokkun!"

That ignites a conversation Sakusa wants no part in, so he discreetly turns his attention to the one moderately sane person at the table, only to flinch when he realizes Hinata is looking back at him.

Hinata laughs. "You really know how to handle them, don't you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Sakusa says, like a liar. If by _handling_ , he means _riling the bastards up_ —then yes, maybe Sakusa has developed a skill for it, mostly because Atsumu is really annoying if he's not taken down a peg at least twice a day and Bokuto needs someone to remind him he has a brain.

Shaking his head, Hinata merely presses his lips together as if that's enough to hide his larger-than-life smile, almost like he knows Sakusa's secret and finds it entertaining instead of terrible. "Do you like yakisoba too, Omi-san?"

What a strange boy. He doesn't seem bothered by Sakusa's pathetic emotional range; he leaves his chopsticks in his bowl when he's not eating instead of placing them on a napkin; and he sits so primly in his chair despite the fact that Atsumu and Bokuto stuck him in one of the uncomfortable wooden stools so they could crowd the booth.

Sakusa is in love with him.

But he isn't sure if this is flirting, so he only glowers and turns away.

* * *

If Sakusa thought developing a crush on Hinata Shouyou was the worst thing that could've happened to him, clearly he didn't consider the horrors of having a crush on Hinata _with Atsumu knowing about it_.

Contrary to popular belief, being meticulous with his follow-through does not make Sakusa a perfectionist. And he is definitely not perfect at disguising his emotions. In fact, that's one subject where he consistently earns a failing grade.

Still, it's a horrible surprise that an idiot like Atsumu somehow manages to figure it out before anyone else.

Sakusa isn't even sure of the specifics. They're at the end of practice and Hinata is being Hinata and Sakusa is being Sakusa when suddenly Atsumu gasps out loud, staring at them with wide eyes and disgustingly gaping lips as his gaze darts quickly between them like he's a coal miner that just struck unexpected gold.

"Omi-kun, you—"

It is the first time Sakusa clamps his hand down on Atsumu's mouth to shut him up, but unfortunately it is not the last.

* * *

"Let me be your—"

" _No_."

Atsumu looks outraged. "You don't even know what I was going to say!"

"You want to be my wingman, my cupid, my matchmaker, or something equally as stupid and completely out of your capabilities, because I don't know if you realize this about yourself, but you have the subtlety of a flashing firetruck and the emotional maturity of a banana. Don't even think about it."

For a moment, Atsumu only blinks at him, and Sakusa has the vague hope that he actually managed to hurt his feelings. Then Atsumu grins from ear to ear and says, "Wow, being in love sure makes you talkative. I should've set you up with Shouyou-kun _years_ ago."

Sakusa cannot be held responsible for any murder attempts that occur in the very near future. And if he's being honest, he doesn't think anyone will blame him.

* * *

Sakusa should've known that threatening death would do nothing to deter someone as stupid as Atsumu, because it's only three days later that somehow both Atsumu and Bokuto have "something important" come up during one of their weekly dinners out, and they just so happen to forget to inform Sakusa and Hinata until they're already seated in the restaurant, waiting for the others to arrive.

Hinata doesn't even seem bothered by the thought of this date-like scenario, but something about one-on-one interactions in a public place make Sakusa's anxiety skyrocket, and suddenly he's so sweaty he's disgusted by himself.

"Omi-san?" Hinata asks, cute little brows crinkling with concern. _Goddamn it._ That's criminal. Puppy eyes should not be allowed to pair with tiny sweet brows. "Is everything okay?"

"Being alone with you makes me want to throw up." The words are out of his mouth before he can think to stop them. Sakusa wonders vaguely if it's painful to die by fork.

This is great. This is definitely the best way to flirt with the boy whose cheeks you want to kiss. He is nailing this.

To his surprise, Hinata only blinks twice and tilts his head, not at all offended by Sakusa's utter ineptitude when it comes to normal human interaction.

"In a good way?"

Is there a good way to feel like you might blow chunks all over the table? "Probably," he replies.

Hinata beams. "Cool! Me too."

And just like that, he stops being nauseous.

Well, at least until the food comes out. For someone who has a culinary genius for a twin, Atsumu really does possess the worst taste in restaurants.

* * *

Akaashi is the second person to grow far too emotionally invested in Sakusa's romantic endeavors. Mostly because Akaashi is also absurdly protective of Hinata, just like everyone else who has been cursed enough to spend more than a damning three minutes in his presence.

Honestly, Sakusa is more surprised no one has put a hit on him for his very passive and unwilling quest for Hinata's affections. He cannot be the only one who wants to touch his face. This is not a Sakusa thing. This is a Hinata thing. Anyone who does not trip over themselves when blinded by those giant fairy eyes is clearly superhuman and Sakusa wants to borrow their strength.

When he tells Atsumu this, Atsumu bursts out laughing and agrees, "I'd totally date him if I could, but it's far more entertaining to watch you fumble after him than pursuing him myself."

"He's only saying that because he knows he has zero chance," says Akaashi.

Atsumu makes a sound that might be a squawk but also might be him choking. It's hard to tell. "You—s-shut up! You have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Oh, you think so?" Akaashi's face is terribly deadpan, and even Sakusa is frightened of his power. "If you're really so confident, why don't you go tell him how you feel right now?"

At once, the three of them look to the living room where Bokuto and Hinata have been childishly and adorably amused by a toy building set Akaashi brought over specifically to distract them. Bokuto knocks something over with his excitement, and Hinata laughs like he's surrounded by sparkles.

Atsumu's complexion filters through so many different shades of red that Sakusa is pretty sure his head might burst. Turning away, he buries his face in his hands until he gets his breathing back under control before fixing Akaashi with an accusing look. "Y'know, I used to think you were _nice_."

"A grave mistake on your part," Akaashi says solemnly. He nods at Sakusa. "At least you still have a chance."

Atsumu snorts. "I dunno about that. Yesterday I watched Omi-kun wipe down the exact same spot on the table for a full forty-five minutes, all because it was raining outside which meant Hinata did his morning yoga indoors instead of in the yard."

There's a pause. Then, "We're all doomed."

Now that's something they can agree on.

* * *

Trouble comes in the form of Kuroo Tetsurou who bursts through the front door to their home on a Thursday and announces, "I heard someone called for a professional cupid?"

Atsumu immediately grabs the remote from the coffee table and throws it out the open window. "Shouyou-kun, fetch!"

Hinata pouts. "I'm not a dog," he says, then proceeds to get up so he can pass Kuroo on the way out of the house, quipping a cute little, "Hi, Kuroo-san!" as he goes.

They all wait until the door closes behind him before Sakusa grabs one of the sofa cushions and starts beating Atsumu over the head with it.

"Stop! Hey! It wasn't me, I swear!"

Everyone turns to Bokuto, the only other possible culprit. On top of having the worst poker face on the planet, Bokuto currently looks like someone who was caught with their pants down in the parking lot. "Kuroo's really knowledgeable about this kind of stuff!" he tries fruitlessly. Meaning, _I didn't know it was a secret but please don't touch my hair, I spent all morning on this_.

Sakusa tends to hit Bokuto significantly less because he's concerned for Bokuto's startlingly low number of non-volleyball-related brain cells and doesn't want to contribute to the accelerated extinction of them. He resolves to hit Atsumu once more instead, simply for good measure.

Atsumu grumbles but doesn't complain. He knows he deserves it for something. Most likely.

"So you and Chibi-chan, huh?" Kuroo says, settling onto the floor like the feline he is. "That's an interesting combination."

"I don't know you well enough to hit you over the head with a piece of furniture, so please don't make me."

"Why did Bokkun call you for advice anyway?" Atsumu asks suspiciously. "Haven't you been pining over the same guy since like, elementary school?"

Kuroo huffs, even as his cheeks turn a little pink. "I did not travel all this way to be attacked. Do you want my help or not?"

It's at that exact moment that Hinata returns to save them, rogue remote in hand and a bright smile on his face. "I think I'll start making dinner! Kuroo-san, will you be staying to eat with us?"

Sakusa stands up. "I'll help." He would much rather be forced to cook for these heathens than be subjected to their continuous presence. It's the lesser of two evils.

Unfortunately, he did not think this through. By choosing not to be around the other idiots, he is subjecting himself to the full concentration of Hinata's sunshine aura, and he is genuinely unsure of how much exposure is healthy before he stops being able to control his limbs.

The answer is very little. They've been chopping vegetables side by side for about seven minutes and all Sakusa can think about are how narrow Hinata's shoulders are compared to his.

Sakusa could literally curl his body over him and Hinata would completely disappear. He is tiny. He is a magic trick waiting to happen. Sakusa wants to wrap them both up in a cocoon of blankets and see how long it takes for people to realize there are two humans inside instead of one. And if they never become aware of it, that's okay, too. He and Hinata can remain a caterpillar forever.

"So," Hinata says teasingly. "Cupid, huh?"

Sakusa snaps a carrot in half and contemplates a simple life of running off to live in the mountains. Even the hazards of nature are far more preferable than the three dumbasses who are probably standing right outside the kitchen with their ears pressed up against the door.

* * *

"Hey, Omi-san?"

Sakusa grunts. Grunts are hot. All the cavemen on TV do it. It also happens to be the only kind of sound he can make around Hinata without extensive mental preparation, but that's just a coincidence.

"Wanna go out with me?"

On the other side of the court, Atsumu chokes on his water bottle. At least three volleyballs hit the floor. Several of their teammates could catch hornets with their mouths from how wide and gaping they are, and Sakusa is pretty sure their coach looks ready to faint, which is partly amusing but mostly insulting because it's clear not a single person in this gym thought this day would come.

Sakusa is caught between wanting to die from the attention and wanting to kill everyone else for being so annoying, but Hinata only smiles up at him, kind and sweet, speaking with the same casualness that he'd use to ask him to change the channel or pass the salt.

And suddenly it's easy all over again. Hinata always makes it easy.

"Probably," Sakusa says.

Hinata beams.

**Author's Note:**

> people think sakusa and atsumu are the biggest assholes, but no, that award goes to akaashi keiji, he's just so pretty he gets away with it. osamu is the deadpan runner-up
> 
> twt: [@infantbluee](https://twitter.com/infantbluee)
> 
> also, [ulsi](https://twitter.com/ulsiart/status/1326262141234507778) and [vannie](https://twitter.com/vn_vannies/status/1279113657805205504?s=20) made the CUTEST art for this fic ever, so please go shower them with a million hearts!! i'm literally in tears, i love them so much ;_____; <3


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